We’re well into the depths of January, it’s still dark when you wake up and the excitement of the New Years resolutions has slowly fizzled. Perhaps you’re starting to realise you won’t join the “5 am club” and you won’t go to the gym every day in perpetuity. And that’s fine! We’ll always advocate that your life is fine just as it is. If you just surrender to it, it will take you exactly where you have to be. Without the need of any overwhelming resolutions.
That being said, there are a few things you should let go in the next decade if you want to live a lighter and more fulfilled life. It won’t take you any more time or particular effort, it’s all in your head, just a “little” mind-shift is needed! The first step is to realise the importance of letting these detrimental thoughts and habits go.
1. Letting people waste your energy
Energy is your most precious resource. And if you’re easily giving it away, this needs to stop like yesterday. This includes saying yes to everything, even the things you don’t want to do, allow internet trolls to shift your mood, trying to change people who are obviously not willing to, explaining your life choices to anyone, people who drown you in negativity or those who generally leave you feeling heavy-hearted or stressed-out.
2.Expectations that things will always go your way
There’s nothing like certain expectations that can ruin everything from simple pleasurable endeavours like holidays to more serious stuff like relationships or work projects.
The fear fuelling self-doubt can make you overcautious and keep you from taking action. Remind yourself, you are doing exactly the right thing, you are at the exact right place. Listen to your gut and never doubt yourself or your abilities, it’s debilitating! What if you mess up? Then you’ll learn and won’t have that self-doubting anxiety next time.
4. Guilt over something you ate or drank
This is so 00’s. In the roaring 20’s we’ve binned the glossy magazines, drilling in our heads that everything but kale is bad for you. It takes some time to adjust to this new freedom, but enjoy the doughnut and that delicious cocktail, it won’t ruin your health plan, we promise!
5. Regrets about something you’ve said or done
Can you count how many times you’re going over something you’ve said or done in your head? Can you think of at least one better thing to invest your time and energy in? Go with the latter. Give yourself 5 minutes to think about the said thing, pop an alarm on your phone if needs be, take out your journal or rant to a friend. And then let.it.go.
6.Fear of the future
Once again - your life will take you exactly where you have to be. Don’t sweat it, just enjoy it, it doesn’t come with a recurrent subscription for further ones.
7. Your social media status
Nobody cares about how many followers and likes you have. Share your life, but do it for the genuine connections, not for the potentially weird strangers on the other side of the world and the inflated self-important fame.
8. Worrying over things that are out of your control
If you’ve left the expectations that things will come out the way you want them to, you might as well stop worrying about them too. Determine what’s worrying you, establish which bits of it you can control, come up with a plan on how to mitigate the possible tragedy in your head and let go of the fear over anything you can’t have any direct impact on.
9. What others may think of you
In order to do this, you have to realise one thing - most people really don’t care about you. They won’t even notice you, let alone be bothered by what you’re doing - they’re too busy with what other people think about them. Then there are the other people - those who project their insecurities on anyone and everyone. Those are the people you don’t want around you anyway. Whatever you do, some people will judge you for it. It’s been proven time and time again. You can never EVER please everyone, you’re not pizza.
10. Over-scheduling and overcommitting your time
It’s tempting to think that the more you schedule, the more you’ll achieve. We’ve been taught that multitasking is the Holy Grail of productivity, but it’s actually a recipe for burnout. Instead, try to prioritise your time. Think about what will make you the happiest or what will drive your goals the furthest and commit to these things first.
Photo by Allie Smith on Unsplash
11. Your insecurities
As we said, you’ll never be able to please everyone, so why don’t you just do you? This will attract the exact people and opportunities for you to thrive.
12. Thinking small
Don’t cut yourself short. Why thinking small when you can think big?
13. The belief that someone else has it better than you
Spoiler alert: they don’t. Everyone has their own battles and is probably thinking your life is easy. It’s pretty much the same believe like the one we had in our heads when we were kids: that 30-year-olds are adults and definitely have their shit together. Now if you are anywhere near thirty, you probably realise how much of a big fat lie that is and how we’re all just trying to excel in our careers, maintain a social life, drink enough water, take care of our skins, stay sane and be happy. It’s all one big juggle and we are all dropping the balls all the time. But that’s fine, because we can just pick them up and start over.
14. A negative body image
It’s inevitable to struggle with body image from time to time. Expecting otherwise is unrealistic and we already said we should give up expectations. But you should get rid of over-consuming thought about your body, insecurities about how it looks in a particular article of clothing or without it. Think instead about how perfect your body is with doing its own thing. One ritual to help yourself accept and love your body is to care for it. Our body oil blends are crafted to do exactly this. You’ll be amazed by how the mere act of massaging your skin will over time improve your relationship with your body. It’s something to be loved, not something to be hidden and ashamed of.
15. Judging people
Don’t do what you don’t want others to do to you. You do you and let others do them.
16. Trying to make everyone happy
They will never be. This needs repeating on a daily basis, so we are mentioning it again. You can’t do it. It won’t happen. Don’t bother trying.
Comparison is the thief of joy, the famous saying by President Theodore Roosevelt goes. The worst part about comparing is that it is alway biased. You’ll be always comparing apples to oranges. It’s either your raw, unedited life versus someone’s filter highlight reel or your beginning to someone else’s pinnacle of success. It will never be equal and it will never bring you anything but bitterness. The better thing you can do is compare yourself to yourself yesterday only.
You’re not hurting the other person if you hold grudges, you’re only hurting yourself. It’s a lot of negative energy you don’t want.
19. Negative energy
Your negative energy or someone else’s… as soon as you detect it, get rid of it. A good practice to do that is the noting technique in meditation. Get used to checking yourself every day for a few minutes a day. It doesn’t have to be a full-blown 20+ minute meditation (although those are proven to be extremely beneficial). Just sit with your breath for a couple of minutes and note how your body and mind feel. With time you’ll become more attuned to these cues and will be able to sense your and others energy immediately.
20. The idea of “perfect”
It doesn’t exist. It will stop you from progress. It might even prevent you from starting. It will weight heavy on your chest. Opt for the best I can do today, maybe, just maybe tomorrow I’ll do better.
Photo credit: @baileyconrad
Print this, stick it on your fridge, pin it on your Pinterest board, jot it down in your bullet journal. Most of these things are easier said than done but if you manage to let go of a few of them, the others will likely come easier. They are all intertwined and all vital to a calmer, happier and more fulfilling existence.